Soooooo apparently I’m banned from OKC.
I’m pretty sure it was this guy who caused it, because he specifically said in our interactions that he reported me.
Since I can’t get back in and screenshot, here is the rest of our interaction.
After the first message, I sent this back to him (verbatim, because I was talking to a friend about it so I have that convo)
“OK, so judging by your overall tone and by the fact that you don’t know some basic stuff about the site, I’m going to guess that you’re new. Here are some tips:
1) Match percentages are the same for both people, that you see 72% means I see 72% too.
2) I set the filters on my inbox: match%, age, and distance. It’s not just arbitrarily filtered.
3) Don’t send ‘just checking in’ messages. If I didn’t see your first message, it’s probably in my filtered folder and I wouldn’t have responded anyway. If I saw it and didn’t respond, getting a second message isn’t going to make me respond any more than the first one.”
HIM (shortly after):
“Okay..I apologize if I offended or angered you in anyway. ._.”
HIM (40 minutes later):
“Just letting you know, I wasn’t trying to GET you to respond to me. I’ve been on this site before, but was bullied. If I did offend you, please accept my apologies. The reason I say sorry is because I’ve been criticized over little mistakes I made. I’m not trying to spam you. I mean, when I asked before if it would be okay if we had a chance, a simple “no thanks” would’ve been alright in my opinion. But who am I to tell you what to do? You’re human, and so am I. So, I asked that you don’t get the wrong idea, especially with me sending this message. I try to respect everyone as much as I can. And getting scammed, fooled, or bullied on multiple sites made me feel bad. So, again, I asked that you accept my apology. I never meant to cause you any trouble, [my username]..“
[At this point I’m pretty confused, because I was genuinely offering advice to someone who seemed pretty ill-informed, and nowhere do I say that I’m offended or angry. He just seems like a way-too-sensitive guy who has sent a lot of scammy messages without realizing it and received negative responses, and is now mad that he’s getting more criticism]
“You weren’t trying to ‘GET me to respond’….but you’ve now sent not one, but TWO unnecessary follow-up messages. In your first one you specifically asked if I got your previous message and said in this last one that you want a ‘no thanks;’ certainly seems like you were trying to get me to respond.
I get that you think that including ‘sorry if I’m bothering you’ or talking about respect and being ‘only human’ makes it OK, but if you really want to illustrate that you feel those things, just leave it be. No one is required to send you a ‘no thanks’ or any kind of response. I get that it’s tough on OKC for guys and that your experiences might have made you oversensitive to rejection, but nobody is required to cater their reactions to what you want. You have to accept that some people just aren’t interested in you and move on.“
(that was the last verbatim thing that I sent my friend, so the rest is from memory)
“I never said you needed to send me a “no thanks”. I was just using my opinions.” And then he complained more about what I said and mentioned that he had PTSD and that he sent the second message because he was “literally scared that [he’d] done something wrong,” and that he was reporting me for this interaction.
Something along the lines of
“I offered you advice with no malice and specifically said up front that I was offering because you seemed new, very anxious, and very insecure. If you’re going to report genuinely offered help then I don’t know what to do with you” and blocked him (around 5:30pm)
Went to dinner with a friend, got home, saw emails about OKC messages from around 6pm, clicked the emails to go to OKC. Couldn’t log on (tried app, mobile, and browser, got different error messages from each). Sent in a problem report, got the email this morning about being banned:
Your account was banned from our site for behavior that violates the OkCupid Terms of Service. Your account and photos have been removed from public view.
We consider this matter resolved.”
Based on the fact that this is by no means the most negative interaction I’ve had with someone (and the fact that butthurt guys have revenge-reported me in the past), I assumed this would amount to nothing. But, here I am, banned. I responded to the email sent by OKC, but it’s been 3.5 hours and no response. I sent another email via their ‘contact us’ form as well.
I find it ridiculous that women are subjected to a never-ending deluge of abuse and degrading comments, but one person reporting me (for relatively banal interaction) results in a ban with no information, no option, and no communication.
Has anyone else had this happen? Is there anything you can actually do?
SQUAD: ANOTHER ONE
Wow!! Wtf is this little piss baby bullshit
What the? A ban for that? Really? OKC needs to be taken down. This is ridiculous.
I would strongly encourage folks to boycott OKC.