Melrose Place 2×01: Much Ado About Everything

 Huh. New credits. Vanessa Williams is gone.

There’s a party. Where did all these people come from? Marcia Cross (yay!) and William R. Moses (boo!) are in this.

Seriously, though, where did they all come from? 

Billy is being a party-pooper and harassing Alison at D&D over the phone. Doesn’t he realize that if he leaves her alone she could actually get shit done? Stupid Billy.

Oh, and the people are Amanda’s. I’d forgotten that she and Palmer had bought the building. It’s amazing that I’d forgotten so much and remembered like I had just watched the show yesterday.

Alison tells Billy to go dance with Amanda and hangs up. The unknown caller who is totally Kreepy Keith hisses, “Bitch! I know where you are.”

Erm, duh? He called her. She was not using a mobile. OF COURSE he knew where she was. 

Alison throws down the phone and leaves instead of calling security or the cops. Oh, okay. She gets to the elevator and sees a MYSTERIOUS SHADOW. The Melrose Chords of Impending Doom are going crazy here.

It’s Kreepy Keith! He holds Alison while she babbles about the Psycho Caller. He takes Alison home. 

Quick question here, how did Keith get in? Shouldn’t the building be locked? Maybe there’s an in-show explanation and I just don’t remember?

Jo and Jane slut-shame a woman who has the audacity to dance with Jake. Is this when I started hating Jo? 

Jo complains about Jake asking her to move in and Jane’s all “Woo! Freedom!” because hindsight is 20/20.

Alison and Kreepy Keith show up. Dead Gay Matt pops up to say he’s in charge of drinks and Amanda’s got the food. Will he show up again or has he outlived his usefulness for this ep? We shall see!

Alison sees Billy and Amanda and stares them into coming over. Amanda apologizes for the extra work Alison has to do and Alison is alll “Pffft, whatevs.”

Billy asks Alison to chill out with himm and Amanda and Kreepy Keith go for drinks. It totally looks like Kreepy Keith is trying to grab Amanda’s ass. (He’s not. It just looks funny.)

Billy and Alison sit on some stairs and Billy demands to know who invited Kreepy Keith. Y’know, that tire iron to the head didn’t do a damn thing for his thinking skills. Shame, that.

Billy wants to know why Alison was working alone. I’d like to know why the hell she didn’t call the cos when  she was working alone in a big-ass office building. Apparently, Alison still hasn’t told Kreepy Keith she shtupped  is in a totally meaningful romantic liaison with Billy. Blech.

Alison asks about Amanda and Billy says that he’ll tell her after the party.  Except for the fact that he did tell her they were just friends and even if he didn’t it doesn’t matter because she was still chasing him when he told her straight to her face that he didn’t like her. Stupid Billy.

Kreepy Keith saunters along and hands Alison some booze (OMG, I cannot wait til we get to Drunkie!Alison. It was pretty much the only time she was remotely interesting.)

Jake gives Jo a beer. And they talk about their imloded relationship. Ugh, Jo should kick dirt in his face and run like hell. Like, I get the Jake was issed when he made his little ultimatum of move in with me or if 4616 gets sold I go bye-bye but it’s a shitty thing to do.

For some reason, Jo caves and claims that she really, really wants to move in with Jake. Then they start making out. In the middle of a crosswalk. Idiots. Party’s over! Billy is ogling Alison and Kreepy Keith, who close the door and start discussing Alison’s stalker. Kreepy Keith ours her a big cup of drinkie. It’s vodka, I think.

Alison declines and starts talking smack about Amanda. Um, Alison? Aren’t you supposed to be telling Kreepy Keith about Billy?

Alison blathers on and starts to pass out while Keith stares at her and creepily strokes her hair. I seriously don’t know if William R. Moses is really this creepy or it’s just because I know how the Keith storyline plays out, but HOLEY HYUNDAI FLOORBOARD, Keith is one creepy motherfucker

Amanda and Billy are alone, together. Barf. Billy awkwards all over himself about his relationship with Amanda. Amanda takes it well and says that she hates that they’re just friends and it’s so bizarre and OOC for her to be all shmoopie over…Billy?!

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