So, Aisha, Nina, and Zoey are in the Weymouth High cafeteria, pondering just what the hell their lunch is made of. Nina makes a bunch of delightfully bad puns (can somebody please make her a real person, so she can be my best friend? I don’t care if people think it’s weird for a 31 year-old to hang out with a 16 year-old!) and her and Aisha’s banter causes Zoey to threaten them with red Jello.
Zoey spies Claire Bear and invites her to eat with them. The times, they are a-changin’ Back in the day, Claire and Nina avoided each other like the plague while at school. Zoey does it because she feels there may be some awkwardness between her and the elder Geiger sister (apparently, she’s forgotten how Claire barged into her house with Jake and told Zoey what to do. Well, I haven’t forgotten! Ugh!)
So, Claire Bear sits down and needles Nina about her faux-vegetarianism. Nina claims that she’ll work down to not eating the fuzzy varmints and- Wait, is that Jaws theme music I hear. Oh, nope. It’s just Jake and he is pissed.
He asks Zoey to talk with him privately and she’s all “You can say whatever in front of my friends.” Ugh, of course you can Zoey. That way you can have back up and you know you won’t get the ass-chewing you so richly deserve. Why not put your boyfriend through the emotional wringer in front of the ENTIRE FUCKING CAFETERIA? Guh, I hate her character so much right now!
Jake demands to know about her and Lucas and Zoey says that she meant to tell him and she never meant to hurt him and pretty I’m sure that Jake is thinking about roads, hell, and good intentions. Well, probably not.
So, what does Chatham Island’s answer to Aaron Dallas do? He curses and hits a table. Seriously, out of all the times Jake has lost his shit so far, the one time his rage is justified, he goes about it in the mildest way imaginable. No Pseudo Hulk-Smash or punching. Jake, I am disappointed in you!
Zoey keeps on making excuses and Jake just gives up and leaves. Zoey accuses her friends of telling Jake about her and Lucas. Uh, no Zoey. That was your job. Good God, she’s kind of dense. How can she not realize that living on a tiny-ass island is not conducive to secret keeping? Aisha gets pissed and says Zoey should keep her stupid moth shut because they’re the only three friends she has. (Okay, that was me. Sentiment still stands.) Claire is disgusted by Zoey’s inaction and says that ZOEY HAS TWO FRIENDS. BURRRRRN!
You know who I really feel sorry for in this scenario? Aisha. Poor girl hates psychodrama. OH, WOW. Aisha is totally Marquez from the Summer books. Zoey is Summer. Claire is Diana, who is also Grace from Ocean City. Diver and Nina are obviously in a class of their own.
Uh, where was I? Oh, that’s right. Zoey is writing a letter to Jake and she basically rewrites it five times and the gist is that she didn’t mean to hurt him and she’s sorry that she changed. Seriously, those are the most relevant parts of three-page letter.
Nina and Aisha read the letter and pronounce it good. Well, good for something that doesn’t involve dumping Lucas and worming her way back into Jake’s good graces. Zoey protests that she thinks she really loves Jake.
SHE THINKS? I really hadn’t gotten that impression at all.
Aisha points out that Zoey is really not the best at sticking to decisions and Zoey makes this ridiculous, melodramatic simile that involves Lucas being the sun and Jake being the moon. Zoey probably thinks Romeo and Juliet is terribly romantic, which makes me think of that Michael Penn song “No Myth.” Michael Penn, if you were Romeo in black jeans and Heathcliff? You’d be a dead asshole. Congratulations!
So, Nina and Aisha bicker because nobody wants to deliver Zoey’s Letter of Doom and really, who the hell can blame them? They decide to flip a coin.
Claire’s hand-written thing:
So, Claire kissed Jake. It was quite a while ago. She guilted him into giving her a ride and when he made a comment about his lips being frozen, she kissed him. It was a short kiss and Jake was apparently so horrified that he made her promise to never say a word. (I’m wondering if Jake is rebelling against his father’s promiscuity.) Claire was a little insulted and has noticed that he looks at her and this please her because she still has an effect on him after all this time.
Oh, and she basically thinks Jake is hot and stupid and just what she needs after Lucas and Benjamin.
*yeas, I’m well aware there were no Sloppy Joes in this chapter. However, the thought of Jake smooshing one in Zoey’s face fills my evil little heart with glee.